How NOT to Act at Your Office Holiday Function

The holiday part for our entire athletic department was last night, and while I did not attend that one, I did co-organize a lunch and white elephant exchange for my office today. Since many other people are attending in the near future work holiday (not Christmas, lest you upset someone) parties, I thought I'd advise you on what NOT to do. All of these are true stories and occurred at our office or department-wide parties.

Gift Exchanges:
If you forget to get something, don't bring candy no one wants. Would you want to eat the brick of fruit cake or some God-awful candy you brought? I didn't think so. Take the $10 allowance for the exchange, and go to Starbucks to get something that would actually get stolen.

If you can't figure out in a group of seven people who brought what, you're an idiot. Go ahead and just quit because you're clearly not fit to work. If you can't figure out who brought the nacho cheese sauce despite that person laughing hysterically when it's opened, you're still an idiot. If you want everyone to know how dumb you are, ask who brought that.

Sit-Down or Small-Group Meals/Gatherings:
If you have too much work to do, don't go or come late/leave early.

If you have to take a phone call/arrange an interview with a student-athlete/media member during the lunch/party, then take your call where someone can't hear you. Sometimes you have to work, but we don't all have to hear about it. Also, don't "regale" us with the entire story about which reporter needs to talk to which player. We don't care.

Do not sit and look at your phone for the entire lunch. You may be important but your coworkers don't appreciate it. If you're awkward, just sit there, don't look at the phone. To quote a co-worker - "Turn off your phone for five minutes. The world will not stop turning if you don't answer an e-mail right away."

Miscellaneous:
Don't pre-party for the holiday party. Not gonna lie, I learned this one the hard way. I fell into a bush.

You're not going to a barn-raising. Leave the mom jeans at home.

You're not going to a club. If you want people to be singing "you' a ho" to you all evening, then by all means, wear that shorter than short skirt.

Point Me:
I went home with this most excellent white elephant gift:
And the space heater I got was the only gift (besides the apron I stole from my boss) that got stolen. Woot. I rule.

My iPod Is Smarter Than You

As I regaled y'all with the seven stages of grieving that I went through in the span of 30 seconds yesterday after my iPod died, I went straight to the Apple store last night to get a new one. I've been falling deeper and deeper in love with ever since. The more I learn about all its features, the more I love it, and the more I realize that my iPod is smarter than you. Seriously. It's smarter than your mama, too...check out some of what it does:

Voice Memos
You can record notes to remind yourself to pick your butt, pick up some Natty at the store or to Facebook stalk that hot guy.

Radio
It has a full FM tuner and you can program stations. Sooo great for when I get sick of my music. Plus, you can pause live radio and catch up with it like a DVR.

Pedometer
Once I get off the fat ass train, this might come in useful

Video Camera
I don't know how much I'll end up using this, but it's still awesome that there's a video recorder in such a small device.

Speakers
I can play music w/o headphones because it has a speaker in it. Soo amazing.

I've been listening to Christmas music all day long because a Bay Area radio station is now playing it 24/7. Pure.Bliss.

Thankful Thursdays - Picture Texts

I'm starting a new awesome day-themed/titled weekly blog entry to remind myself to stop and smell the roses. This week's thing that I'm for is getting a picture text.

My grandma on my dad's side passed away Friday, marking the third grandparent (my great aunt included because she was like a third grandma) to pass away in the last six months. After the funeral and reception Monday, my mom and brothers went home to Farm Country while I went to my home in Yuppy Creek.

About an hour later, I got this picture text from my brother:
"Cosmo went to a funeral today, too."

Nothing says "lighten the mood" like a fuzzy creature dressed up in human clothes.

Dream a Little Dream of Me...Or Not.

I had two of the most vivid, weirdest, unpleasant dreams in awhile last night/this morning. Instead of actually coming up with something new and creative, I figured I'd let my subconscious tell y'all a couple stories.

Dream One: Shotgun Wedding
I don't know if it was because I was pregnant or what, but the boyfriend and I were getting married. It was completely rush job in my parent's front yard. I was going to wear a red dress, instead of a white one. It looked like this - only red, and with sequins/sparkly things:
Our marriage certificate was like a plague you get from a sports team and it had been left in the middle of the street for some reason.
I was bugging because we didn't have food ordered and the cake was small. It was really the cake that sent me into a dizzy in the dream, because I was like so much for that cake I've always dreamed about (which is funny because I haven't dreamed about the cake), and I realized that my dream wedding wasn't happening.

The boyfriend was completely bugging, and I couldn't tell if it was bc he was just nervous or bc he didn't actaully want to marry me, ever. So myself and someone else, I dont know who, were trying to order a cake and I was having a meltdown and then I woke up.

I guess it was because the boyfriend and I had been discussing the possibility of moving in together before bed. It's funny bc my dream wedding dress looks more like this:

Dream Two: Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned
In between waking up from the alarm and snoozing, I had a dream that I was a crazy person. And a murderer.

The guy I liked or was married to or something fell in love with another girl and got said other girl pregnant.

What's a girl to do? So I got in my jeep and stalked them out in the woods. He got on the roof of the car, and I pulled out a chainsaw and cut thru the roof of the cheap to saw him in half.

Why he didn't jump off the car when he saw the chain saw poke through, I dont know.

Then the babymamawhore was by the driver's saide window so I chainsawed her head off

and then I woke up.

I blame that one on watching "Glee" before bed. Though that show is far less violent so I blame growing up with two younger brothers.

The end.

FML - iPod Edition

Today started out like any other day at work. I sat down, logged onto gchat, thought about doing some work. I went to plug in my iPod to listen to my November playlist, which was essentially the new Miranda Lambert CD that I've been listening to on repeat, and my iPod started clicking.

It sounded like the hard drive in the iPod was going so slowly or getting stuck on something instead of whirring peacefully around to give me my tunes. Then I got the dreaded unhappy face:


And then I went through the seven stages of grieving...

1.) Shock and denial: No, this can't be happening to me. This has to be is a joke my iPod is playing on me.

2.) Pain and guilt: No, noooot meee!!! No, not again!!! My life is over if I can't have music! Maybe if I hadn't have dropped it? Taken better care of it?
3.) Anger and bargaining: I only got it in June 2007, why is it broken already?? Freaking Apple, always trying to stick it to the consumer. They better give me a new one for free!!!
4.) Depression, reflection, lonliness: I have no reason to live, I can't afford a new one. All of my beloved music was on there, that can never ever be replaced.
5.) The upward turn: Maybe I could get a new one? I could get a Nano instead. They're purdy.

6.) Reconstruction and working through: There's an Apple store where I live that I can go to tonight. Perhaps I could charge the new iPod.

7.) Acceptance and hope: There's nothing I can do until tonight at the Apple Store. If I get a Nano, then I can get the Nike+ so I might actually get up off my fat ass an go to the gym.

Now...which one to get:

A Nano:

A Touch: Hella cool games, would be good for BART, plane/train rides but it's more money and I already have a BlackBerry.


A Classic: Holds hella music, more expensive, prolly dont need that much room.

I think I'll go with Nano...but what color?

My New Crush

I've got a massive new crush...on Eric Berry of the Tennessee football team. Check out this most amazing Heisman campaign video. It's got the dance team, a UT basketball player rapping and Eric "hot and hella good at football" Berry.

Wheeler's Weekend Update

Had a pretty awesome summer weekend in my hometown. You should pretty much be jealous. Per tradition, I went to the California State Fair with the "Sister," and it was awesome people watching time.

I think people as a whole have gotten fatter. There were way more people in wheelchairs with no visible broken legs and a lot heavy people.

I drove to Sacramento for the first time ever! There were no near or real accidents! Merging wasn't even thaaat scary. I did, however, have to reallign in a parking spot a good three times before I got it. Oh well. Some interesting things we saw...

They had an interesting collections display. One lady collected cat whiskers. No. Freaking. Joke. Also no joke, this crazy cat lady lives with like 100 cats. No joke.
There's a stage near a lot of the food, and these kids were performing. They sang some Miley Cyrus and the usual kids stuff before it got weird. They were talking about how someone gave it all up for us. Who could that be? Oh yeah, Jesus. Then they were talking about some dude called David in some book called the Bible and how he danced like nobody was watching. So they sang a song about "Dance Like David." I'm all for dancing and Jesus and stuff, but singing made up/non Church songs is weird:
The "Sister" tells Ahnald to talk to the hand because he messed up our state:
The swings from Neverland! Creeeepy:
Fresh mozzeralla = jizztastic:
The ferris wheel (and a slide):
This painting was on the ride called Idol, as in American Idol. I don't think this ho should be any idol for the kids on this ride:
A lovely gem found in the parking lot:
It was my mom's birthday or something, so we went out to eat Saturday and it was awesome.

My parents have been married almost 25 years and they are totes adorable (seen here opening presents):
Our family dog may be the prettiest dog ever:
Our family is slightly trashy. See our oven:
I may have cracked up over this at Borders. I've got a smart box, too. But it's my cooter, not whatever this thing is:
I went shopping and got some new clothes, including:
Booo Mondays!

Musical Monday

Let's face it, Mondays suck. Especially when you work Saturday and Sunday. But fun music makes everything better. Back in high school, SheDAISY was all the rage. It's a country girl band that kind of sounds poppy. I'm totally jizzing my pants over this song b.c. my man has ocean blue eyes, just like the dude in the song. Plus it's peppy.

The Sixth Horseman of the Apocalypse

So I love country music. Being from farm country, I listened to it since hella. But, sometimes, even I can't even stand it. I saw this video (that won't let me embed it), the other day on CMT, and could hardly believe it was an actual song and was getting air time. Here are some of the lovely lyrics of the Trailer Choir's "Rocking the Beer Gut"

Five foot something, cherry bomb she had everything going on
The first thing that caught my eye
She was rockin’ the beer gut and I love the way she’s not ashamed
Rockin’ the beer gut well it’s just some extra love around her waist
Rockin’ the beer gut she’s more than hot, she’s everything and with the blue jeans a little tight around her butt

Oh yes. A song about a girl with a beer gut. I freaking love beer. But writing a song all about it? Way to perpetuate every single stereotypes about country music.

It gets better.

This morning, I heard "Eight Second Ride" by Jake Owen with these "amazing" words:

And she said hey boy, do you mind takin me home tonite?
'cuz I aint never seen a country boy with tires on his truck this high
I said climb on up but watch the cup that I spit my dip inside
And hold on tight cuz its gonna be wilder than any 8 second ride

The song goes on to say how they do it in the bed of his truck, but come on, what girl in her right mind would get with a guy who chews? Well, I guess a lot of girls in the South. But this Northerner was not amused. I love you country music, but come on!

Rock the Bells Concert and People Judging Review

Omg. Kik da Sneak and I spent all of our Sunday in Mountain View at Rock the Bells, an all-day music-jizz-fest. For those of you who don't wait on pins and needles for my Twitter updates, it was amazing. The main attraction for me was Damian Marley, but there were hella other bands/artists there, too, such as Nas, Big Boi, Busta Rhymes, the Roots and more.

Big Boi, of Outkast fame, was awesome. I definitely knew more of his stuff (because he was did a bunch of Outkast songs) and he was really entertaining and fun to listen to. Busta was really dissappointing, sadly. He repeatedly stopped his songs 30 seconds into them, not cool, man.

Damian Marley and Nas were the headliners, and they performed separarately and together, and it was freaking amaaaazing. Totally worth the $26 for lawn seats, just for those two alone.

The people watching was also hilarious. The event drew all sorts of people - stoners, the hip-hoppers, hippies, rockers, tweens, old people, 20-somethings - you name it. Here are some of the best ones.

This cougar was sitting in front of us during Big Boi, and she was thoroughly enjoying herself and we were thoroughly enjoying ourselves while we watched her dance. Just picture your average cougar trying to dance to hip hop and you've got our friend:
There were far too many men/boys with rat tails/ponytails. Not cool, man. I know there's someone for everyone, but I don't understand chicks who date these guys. I wouldn't even be friends with them:
Another guy in front of us was definitely wearing manpris (capri pants for men). At first, we judged the manpris off of him, but homeskillet knew all the words to like every Big Boi, Busta and Roots songs so we had to give the dude some credit.

Also, he and his friends were our new heros for they not only snuck a water bottle of vodka in (something Kik and I could do in our sleep), but halfway through Busta, they pulled a tiny bottle of my boyfriend Jack out of the bottom of a Cheez-Its box. Loves it.

Overall, it was an awesome experience!

We also got two new awesome new shirts:

Oh Crap, Am I "That Girl?"

"Boyfriend," I began timidly, not even sure I was going to bring this up. "I think I'm turning into 'that girl'...you know, that girl who has to be told by her boyfriend how much he likes her and how happy he is to be with her. That girl who's insecure and vulnerable. And it's pissing me the fuck off because I can't remember the last time I felt insecure about a dude."

These feelings of insecurity and vulnerability had been plaguing me for a couple of days. To be incredibly cliche about the whole thing, it was like a tug-o-war inside my head.

The normal, smart me was saying - Don't be a ruhtard, it's very obvious he likes you. Y'all are on vacation. People who just have lukewarm feelings don't do that. These past two months have flown by because they've been so amazing and you've never felt like this before.

The typical crazy girl, hormonal crazed me was saying - There's no way he likes you as much as you like him, you have every right to doubt this, I can't believe you didn't doubt this earlier. These past two months have flown by and this feeling is sure to fade fast on his or your end.

I'm thinking it's a very large combination of things...maybe....

~Maybe it's because I'm quite possibly, disgustingly, completely over the top with Boyfriend about how I feel, and he isn't as articulate in return.

~Maybe it's because one of my grandmas, who was supposed to be there to help me pick out a wedding dress, and my great aunt (like a third grandma) both passed within the past month and my other grandma has cancer that I feel a need (a self-placed one I might add, at least there's no familial pressure on that end) to settle down and have the four little Wheelers I want before any more important people in my life pass.

~Maybe it's hormones (stupid post-period moodiness).

~Maybe it's because things have been so great with Boyfriend that I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and for one of us to discover dealbreakers about each other.

~Maybe I enjoy a tidge of drama.

~Maybe it's because we were in Tahoe this past week, and even though we did way different things than the last boyfriend and I did in Tahoe last summer, in the back of my mind, I was wondering how many trips to Tahoe with boyfriends it would take to find one that would stick forever.

~Maybe it's because I thought the last boyfriend and I were going to get married (until the 2008 election) yet in retrospect (fucking 20-20 hindsight), there were many, many red flags and times I should have broken up with him well before I actually did, and I don't want to miss any of those with current Boyfriend.

~Maybe it's because I'm unhappy and lack control in other aspects of life, so I'm lashing out in something that I have some modicum of control over.

~Maybe it's because I didn't want to come back from vacation.

~Maybe it's because I'm so scared of how I feel/Boyfriend being so amangin that I'm actually not "that" insecure/vulnerable girl, but rather, "that girl" who sabatoges her relationship.

~Maybe it's because I'm looking for those three little words, which ruhtarded on so many levels. It's only been like two months, and I don't think "I love you" is a great signifier of feelings in my opinion. I love a lot of things and people - popsicles, ponies, my amazing besties, some pretty awesome co-workers, puppies, coffee ice cream, my hilarious family and "How I Met Your Mother" (my latest obsession). To me, it's the "I'm in love with you" that matters more. But to quote "HIMYM," maybe I'm just an I love you whore.

~Maybe it's because I see more and more people my age - high school "friends," college acquantiances and loves and everyone and their mother - getting what I want: the man of their dreams, a wedding, a marraige, kids, and I'm simply green with jealously. That, and I'd look hella better than all those bitches (besides Nessa) in a wedding dress anyways.

~Maybe it's not so bad at all because whenever I get too inside my head, he says exactly what I'm thinking, or sings all the words to my favorite Beatles or Fleetwood Mac song, or hell, just looks at me in a certain way with those amazing baby blues, and I fall a little harder for him. I choose that maybe.

Personal Growth

I realized this weekend that I have grown ever so slightly as a person. It's like I'm an adult or something. How did I realize this? Because I didn't blurt out, "Oh you're the one with the tiny penis!" to my neighbor.

Let me rewind.

Someone owns this car in my apartment complex:
Aka a compensation car.

It's got an alumni license plate frame from the rival college of my man's. The boyfriend always gives it a dirty look when we see it in the parking lot. Yesterday, we're walking in from the parking lot and one of my neighbors says hello. The boyfriend was wearing his college's shirt and the neighbor goes, "Oh, did you go to that school? I went to your rival school." Boyfriend replies with a snarky, "I'm sorry."

And although I hella wanted to, I didn't yell out, "Oh, so YOU'RE the one with the tiny penis!"

Well, at least until the neighbor was out of eat shot.

I usually lack a filter on my yapper, so not saying commenting on my neighbor's minuscule manhood is a major step for me. Or minor like his penis.

Guest Post Time: Stranger Danger in Hiroshima!

Hey everyone! I'm finally getting around to posting the guest blog because I'm a slacker in all options of my life. But without further ado, here's Powered by Tofu! You can read my post that fits in with her blog over here! (It's about 10 Things I <3 About SB!)

Stranger Danger Rule #1: Don’t talk to strangers.
Stranger Danger Rule #2: Don’t accept candy from strangers.
Stranger Danger Rule #3: Don’t let strangers take your picture.
Well, all bets are off in Hiroshima. The town is disarmingly safe I guess. So safe that while my roomie and I were just sitting peacefully in the park, we managed to be approached by creepy, old photo guy and not only took the candy he offered (mothers everywhere, don’t worry, we didn’t eat it), and then agreed to pose for photos. And then he wouldn’t leave. And so I took his picture, just in case he did something creepy. About 5 minutes later we were like “what the hell was that all about?”, “why did we do that?”, and “Oh my God, we’re going to have our faces attached to dirty pictures on the internet!”, and “Oh my God, what if some people come to kidnap us later by using our photos to find us!” Alas, there was no harm, but if you ever find yourself in Hiroshima, Japan you just might see my picture on a call girl advertisement.

Five Horsemen of the Apocalypse

So everybody's been saying the world is going end ever since it's begun. But, as of late, I've been thinking that our imminent demise, is actually...imminent.

1.) American Apparel is selling scrunchies.
Sure American Apparel has never really been known for having the prettiest looking things. They sell a lot of questionable things, but now they're marketing scrunchies.

2.) ABC Family is playing "Dirty Dancing" on repeat.
I have seen this movie no less than 50 times (no joke) so I'm always glad to see it on teeavea. But, is this really an appropriate movie for ABC Family. There's abortion, sex, uh hello dirty dancing! Not that those aren't most of the reasons I love that movie, but I just wouldn't my 10-year-old cousin watching it. She's got enough of a bad influence in her life from just knowing me, double that when we hang out.

3.) Jose Canseco is the smart one.
He is one of the only ones in baseball who has come out with the truth about his use of steriods. All the other meatheads who dope are playing dumb. Mark McGuire, Manny Ramirez, stupid ass Roger Clemens. All avoiding any kind of responsibility.

4.) Celebrity News These Months
I'm completely addicted to celebrity news, this much I know. But in the past couple of months, the headlines have been out of control: Kate Gosselin Shows Off Lighter Locks (A story about getting highlights, really?); Jon Gosselin's Ed Hardy Duds Show He Likes to "Take Risks" (Wearing Ed Hardy really just means you're a douchebag), Octo-Mom Drops Kids Off at School Late, and Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Party in Cannes Until 1:45 am. These are not worthy news topics.

5.) Gay People Can't Marry But...
This person can marry her dog and this other chick can marry the Eiffel Tower. Really, world, really?

Santa Barbara Visit Recap

I spent the weekend in gorgeous Santa Barbara! On the trip, I ...

May or may not have seen Jon Gosselin's car:

Saw Harry Potter! Whether it was the beer we had before or the wine we had during the movie, Drama and I couldn't stop laughing at all the sexual innuendo, most of which was completely over the top. I enjoyed all of the movie except for the end because they blatantly made shit up. At the end, someone dies and everyone from Hogwarts holds up their wands like they're at a freaking rock concert. Not cool, man.

Saw the funniest wine/beer list ever:

Visited with Drama and her parents at the Ventura Harbor:

Did a nine-hole pub crawl and did not die:

Some of the group at the last stop:

Two of us wore skorts and had a lot of fun with them:

Caught up with a bunch of friends along the pub crawl and the weekend, which was really nice. Hooray for staying friends with my fellow Gauchos!

Before the last stop of the pub crawl, Drama and I decided that getting tattoos would be a good idea. I got the California Poppy (left) and she got a rose (right):

We had almost got them (soberly) the night before but didn't so it was slightly premeditative. Huuge kudos to Di the Spy for holding my hand as I squeezed like a baby because it hurt like a mofo and talking to me the whole time!

Weekend Update With Wheeler

Overall, I had a great weekend, and I've got the pictures to prove it! Well, it was great except for the two meals that came back to haunt me. Cheese and I are not getting along very well right now, and it pains me because I love cheese like a fat kid loves cake. That's an understatement. I love cheese like tweens love Robert Pattinson and that Twilight crap.

Friday night, I headed down to Hayward to see Kik da Sneak for some Mexican food. She gave me two most awesome presents:
(except the background is orange instead of pink)
And the best hat I've ever seen and cannot wait to wear every single day for the rest of my life:
The best part of the hat can we seen from behind:
Kiki picked me up in her brand new and totally awesome Mazda 3. After dinner, I felt totally neasuseated but was holding it together more or less as we set off for the wonderful world of Kmart to pick up some electronics. As soon as we got there, I made sure we bee-lined it for the bathroom, where I proceeded to barf up all of dinner, and most likely some of my lunch.

It was a new low and a new high. I was so impressed with myself for making it to the bathroom, not getting any barf on me or having to kneel on the floor of a Kmart bathroom. Then again, throwing up in a Kmart bathroom is a new low for me as well.

Saturday, the new boy and I headed to the City for toursity exploration as he is not a NorCal native. First up was the farmer's market at the Ferry Building, where we saw this most excellent place. It's kind of hard to read but yeah, that says: tasty salted pig parts. Yum?
Walking up Market Street, we strategically (I'm a whiz with guide books) came across part of San Francisco history in this fountain, which is one of the oldest things in SF:
Next up was a trip through Chinatown, where we saw this most interesting piece of "art" that I could not help but laugh hysterically at the sexual innuendo, except they got the positive backwards, the dude's supposed to be in the back:
We also stopped by the Golden Gate Fortune Cookie Company to see them fold pieces of flat dough into fortune cookies. Totally awesome. They do it in one swoop - pick up the dough, fold it and bam, hello fortune cookie.
We stopped by Grace Cathedral, which was really big and pretty. Although there was a dude playing an organ that was scary as shit. I thought I was actually in Phantom of the Opera.
We had an amazing lunch/dinner in Little Italy...I had a most delicious four-cheese pizza (left) and he had an Italian calzone (right).
To close out the day, we went to Coit Tower - SF's ode to the phallus firefighters.
We're both too cheap to pay to go to the top, but the views from the shaft were awesome.
There was also an awesome water fountain for dogs:
The rest of the weekend was spent in bed, recovering from that four-cheese pizza. My life might be over if my stomach decides that it doesn't like cheese anymore. Literally over. No will to live without cheese.

The end.

The Real World Blows

The other day at work, I had a panic attack came to the awful realization about the shitty ass hell hectic as hell schedule that is awaiting me in the fall. I have to work every weekend (although some of which can be done from home since they're away games) from Aug. 15 through Thanksgiving weekend. Additionally, football camp starts Aug. 8, so my summer may be cut even further short.

I knew very well how much non-9-5 work my job entailed when I took it two years ago, but it's just gotten harder as the months go by. Maybe the weekend games and late nights with practice during the week would be harder to swallow if I didn't feel I had been fucked over by recent sport reassignments.

It's no secret that this job seldom leaves me feeling personally satisfied or challenged or appreciated for all the hard work that my co-workers and I do or, as cheesy as it sounds, feeling like I've done something that actually makes a difference in the world. I just don't want to wake up when I'm 30 and realized I wasted my 20s away working practice until 9 p.m. on a Tuesday or a game that 50 people showed up for an two people read my recap of.

I suppose this is just further incentive to figure out my life (i.e. what I need to do to get into grad school/become a teacher, or what I'd rather be doing than teaching or working in my current position). I just wish someone could tell me or help me figure out what I'm supposed to be doing with my life because this "real world" thing is harder than it looks on the TV.

Part of me wants to quit at the end of next year and spend a year being a secretary or something to just enjoy life and work 9-5 and that's it. Leave work at work and have an actual life. Another part of me wants to quit everything and move to Lake Tahoe and waitress/be a lake bum/volunteer in a classroom before heading back to get my masters and become the best and hottest elementary school teacher ever.

In the meantime, I am grateful for a job. Woot?

Musical Monday

Kik da Sneak shared this video with me last week - Damian Marley and Nas. It's just a clip of something new they're collaborating on but I'm excited!!!



It also reminded me to look for the next Damian Marley show because he's awesome and Kik and I are going to hit up Rock the Bells when it comes to the Yay. Woooot!

Why Aren't They Married to Me Wednesday - Guest Post!

One of my absolute favorite bloggers - Katie at Otherwise Optimistic - is a fan of my Why Aren't They Married to Me Wednesday entries and fab Photoshop skillz so I asked her to brighten my blog with a guest post of her dream man! I nearly peed my pants at work when I read her entry, and I know you will, too! Take it away, Katie!

When I was asked to Guest Post for "Why They're Not Married to Me Wednesday".... I instantly hopped on. I wanted to share a very special story, and although its different from the normal Why Wednesday's, I hope it touches you in special places below the belt.

I AM married. I'm married to the wonderful Ralph Fiennes. You might recognize him from such movies as Red Dragon, The Constant Gardener, and the Reader.

I met Ralph one day when I was nakedly wandering around his house. I found him in a bathtub reading. He was also naked. and reading a book. I sat across from him and we fell in love after I served a brief jail sentence. (The allegations were breaking and entering. I was never accused of ANY crime)
I went through some rough patches in my life, but Ralphie was always there to pick me up.Like when I went through a phase where I thought I was a canine:
I eventually realized I was a human. But, what sex? My instinct was to try being a man, but I always seemed to have feminine facial traits which I tried to mask with Jonas Brother-like haircuts.
I soon realized I was full blown female and had the surgery to make this happen. This brought my love and I closer. Despite the fact that I developed a very bad case of herpes on my face, he still couldn't keep his hands off of me.
One evening, while taking a romantic walk along the inner city streets of Compton, we spotted a HUGE celebrity. We were very surprised.
It was none other than....the one and only Arnold Schwarzenegger. He offered Ralph a very great role in an upcoming film. At that moment, Ralph proposed and we were married.

We are very happy together.

You're jealous, and I love it.